Engagement season is HERE! Are you stressing about who will be in your girl squad??

The Girls, The Squad, Your Ladies in Waiting…basically the most important people in your life who have seen you through the good, the bad and the ugly with pints of ice cream, spa days and girls’ nights out to prove it! So when it comes to your wedding, it’s a given that your BFFs will be right along side you as you take that next big step in life…or may be not so much???  The struggle is real, my friends.

Why is that so many bridal parties quickly escalate to a hostile, PMSing , backstabbing, over-stressing, power-struggling group of crazies? We’ve all seen Bridesmaids, and if you think it’s just the movies, you are are in for a surprise!  So why all the drama—and how do you fix it? Here are dos and don’ts from Kristin Rockhill of Details of I Do in Princeton on how to avoid bridal-party wars!

1- To ask or not to ask? That is the question!  Weddings are expensive. For EVERYONE. So whether you like it or not, you have to take into consideration the financial status of each and every one of the girls you plan to pop the question to. Being a bridesmaid comes with a price tag and a lot of responsibility. Some of your friends may not have the time or money to make that commitment. So think long and hard about who you bestow this request upon.

2- Make a grand gesture. While this is your big day, your bridal party is also a huge part of the planning process leading up to the wedding and your personal support team and crisis management hotline on wedding day! Do something special for your girls and let them know up front how excited you are for them to be a part of this milestone in your life and how much it means to you! And remember, if there is someone who may or may not be able to make this commitment ( refer to #1 ) be sure to schedule some one- on-one time and have a convo before you announce your bridal party to the world. You don’t want to put unwanted expectations on anyone or embarrass them.

3- Help a girl out. Paying for the gowns or hair and makeup goes a long way. Your girls will thank you for this and will appreciate it more then you know. Your girls want to look their best and make you proud standing by your side at the altar, but after all the showers, bachelorettes, gift-giving and party planning, the truth is they are spent…literally. Take away the monetary stress that comes with begging a bridesmaid and let them enjoy the day and not resent you for making them buy a $500, I’ll-never-wear-this-again gown.

4- Host a get-to-know-you girls’ night out. Chances are that not everyone in your BP will know each other. Typical bridal party’s are a mix of family and friends, old and new. These gals are going to be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so working together on wedding-related tasks. Ease the tensions by hosting a girls’ night out such as a painting party, cooking class or dinner and a round of mini golf so your favorite cousin has time to bond with your college roommate and your childhood bestie can swap stories with your work BFF.

5- Set up a Facebook group and #hashtag. By creating a closed group in the beginning, it allows all of your bridal party to easily get in touch with each other, make plans, stay connected and swap contact info. It’s also a great way to make sure no one gets left out or misses bits and pieces of the conversation. Creating a hashtag is also a great way to chronicle the entire process from the day you say yes till the day you say I do! It’s a great way to look back over a years’ worth of posts and memories of all the moments leading up to the big day.

6- Assigning tasks = avoiding hostile takeover.  Take away the possibility of a power struggle. Give each person in your bridal party a task to be the lead on. These are your besties, you know their strengths and personalities better then anyone, so give everyone the opportunity to put their best foot forward. Assign individual tasks to each girl—a task having to do with the wedding that also gives them time to spend with you, like assembling favors, invitation stuffing or gown shopping. For bigger events like the shower or bachelorette party, divvy up the tasks. Have one of your girls choose food, the other create the centerpieces, someone to plan and run  the games, someone to send and manage the invites, etc. This takes away the stress and eliminates the possibility of having a bullying bridesmaid who wants to control everyone and everything—because we all know there is one in every bunch.